


The Tale of the Bard and the Witcher

by Monsterunderthefedora



Series: The Misadventures of a Witcher and His Bard [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: In which Dandelion's exaggerated his heroics, M/M, Zoltan finds this hilarious, and Geralt is more done than usual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24021484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsterunderthefedora/pseuds/Monsterunderthefedora
Summary: Dandelion is known for exaggeration of his heroics on his adventures with Geralt. When the Witcher comes back to Novigrad to find out about the play the bard just wrote, he's less than pleased. So when the town decides to go to Dandelion for help instead of him, he's more than happy to watch. Too bad the problem involves Dandelion actually having to save Geralt this time.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Zoltan Chivay & Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: The Misadventures of a Witcher and His Bard [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738909
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	1. A Bit of an Exaggeration

"-oh my Gods-"

"Is he the one?"

"Of course Dandelion was so poetic in his description."

"I didn't think it was actually white...." Geralt made his way through the main town square of Novigrad, all eyes on him. Not unusual, most people did to stare at the mutated man in disgust. But the way they were staring at him now wasn't disgust....if Geralt didn't know any better he might even say it was an admiration. But there was no way that was right. Yet as he approached the Rosemary and Thyme Inn Geralt stopped when he saw the posters plastered along the Inn's front door.

'The Tale of the Bard and the Witcher.'

Geralt squinted at the drawing on confusion. A man dramatically slumped over his horse as what was clearly Dandelion stood front and center. What in the hell...? 

Entering the building Geralt was unsurprised to see it bustling with people. A bar set up with all kinds of townsmen and women around it. The whores of the house lounging around or attempting to gain the attention of one of the men.

"Oi! Geralt!" The Witcher turned to see Zoltan coming over. A large grin on his face as he patted the man on the back. "If it isn't the talk of the town." The dwarf laughed heartily. The crowd of the inn turning to them as it took notice of the newcomer. 

"What's going on, exactly?" Geralt gritted out. More confused than anything.

"Ask Dandelion. It's his new play."

"Mmmhmm. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's probably about me."

"In a way..." The dwarf chuckled as he led Geralt through the Inn. "They're rehearsing upstairs. You're gonna want to see it." Judging from his tone, Geralt could already feel the headache starting. Going up the stairs the sound of people talking became clearer.

"Halt there vagrant! Unhand him before I have to used brute force!" Dandelion's voice was loud and clear as he and Zoltan peeked in. Him and two other actors were on stage. One in a very obvious, bad white wig. Geralt's hand drifted to his own hair. It didn't look that bad. The other actor next to his stand on was holding his actor's elbow as Dandelion held his (hopefully prop) sword. Zoltan giggled as he elbowed Geralt in the side.

"This is my favorite part." Geralt hmmed as he watched on. 

"I refuse to let a scoundrel such as yourself hurt my beloved friend." Geralt was far from a poet but something about this seemed hokey.

"Is...is this when I saved him from Menge's men?"

"Aye!" Zoltan burst out laughing. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"I seem to remember that day very differently." 

"So do I, but this is much more entertaining."

"Mmmm." Geralt watched on as his actor fell to the side. Dandelion and the other man mimed a sword fight. A final jab sending the man down to the floor. Dandelion standing victorious.

"And lo! I remain victorious!" Geralt's eyebrow quirked when the bard helped his look alike up.

"Oh Dandelion, how could I ever thank you?"

"Worry not Geralt, for I-"

"-am done listening to this." Everyone in the room paused as Geralt interrupted. "Dandelion, good to see you again."

"Geralt!" Dandelion dropped the actor he'd been supporting on the floor in surprise. "Oops sorry." The actor grumbled, adjusting his wig. Geralt was unamused as Dandelion straightened up. "How...long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

"I...can explain."

"By all means, I'm not going anywhere."


	2. Chapter 2

"So there I am brain storming for my next ballad-"

"The only time I'm convinced you use what's in your head and not your trousers."

"-and I saw you!" Geralt quirked an eyebrow at the bard when he took a drink from his mug. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world for this shit. "Well not you, you, but the poster of you from when you were in The Doppler's Salvation! It reminded of that day when we fought Menge's men-"

"When I fought Menge's men."

"Right, fight, but needles to say, I was inspired!"

"To write a play. About you. Saving me. From the witch hunters. And also apparently it's convinced half the people in this place alone I was one of your lost loves."

"Nah he has ballads for that," Zoltan laughed heartily at the Witcher's annoyance. "The play just helped."

"Exactly how did me saving you from your own stupidity turn into that?"

"Hey! It was not stupidity! It was just one of my many plans that took a...less than stellar turn."

"Mmmhmm. Right." Geralt was unamused as he glanced around. "And you didn't have given me the decency of asking if I was okay with this? Or you, know, not doing it. At all."

"I had to Geralt," the bard pleaded, "when inspiration hits me I can't just let it go. I tried to send a letter to Triss figuring she'd give it to you."

"Triss?"

"Yeah I'm almost sure she burned it as soon as I left."

"Could you at least have found someone who vaguely looks like me for the play?" Geralt asked as he watched the blonde man who'd played him earlier now on his third drink. 

"Oh he wasn't the first choice. That was Jaromir."

"What happened to him?"

"Don't know, one day he just never showed up to practice. But I made due with the cast on hand." 

"Right." Geralt pushed his drink aside when Zoltan elbowed him. "How's Priscilla feel about this whole debacle. I doubt she likes hearing about her love's supposed old flames." Zoltan snorted in his drink.

"He didn't tell you?" The dwarf asked. Geralt shook his head. "She walked in on him with another girl and an elf. She was so furious, grabbed every one of his instruments and tossed them out the top window."

"Why am I not surprised?" Geralt asked. Dandelion let out an offended gasp.

"Hey we were on a temporary break!"

"Well judging from the fact I don't see her anywhere it's now a permanent break."

"Sadly, yes. Took half the troupe with her too." Dandelion pouted. "Besides if it wasn't for the breakup I would've never had the inspiration for this!"

"So how did the resident witch hunters feel about the fact you were supposedly involved with a freak like me? Can't make them too happy." The bard waved Geralt off.

"Oh please, a few months after you left they started to fall. They tried banning music. Music! Can you imagine?"

"Hmmm." Well at least there was some good news today. 

"And why do you keep sounding so offended by the fact I introduced a little romance into the play?"

"I'm offended by your claims of it being based on a true story."

"It is!" 

"Vaguely," Zoltan added.

"Don't support him." The dwarf ignored Geralt's reprimand. 

"Is it so offensive that you the great and mighty Geralt might have been dating I, your humble bard and best friend."

"You don't deserve to use the word humble at this point." The Witcher stood up from the bench. "And I wouldn't be as offended if this wasn't a habit of yours. Exaggerating your heroics to a degree I can't believe anyone buys."

"I-" Dandelion was cut off by the door slamming open. An official looking messenger stood there, almost out of breath.

"The hell?" Zoltan asked as the man came over.

"Master Dandelion," the man brushed past Geralt with a small nod. "We need your help!"

"What is it?" The bard asked. 

"The middle of the square-there's another body. The church needs you to investigate at once."

"Me?"

"Him?" Geralt asked incredulously. The messenger turned to face him.

"Wait, are you Geralt? As in the Geralt? From Dandelion's play?"

Melitele's tits was this going to be a pattern his entire trip?

The man shook his head.

"Nevermind, please right this way." Dandelion had yet to stop gaping. Geralt was almost considering letting the bard flounder as he tried to fix this but people were in actual danger. Looks like his stay was getting an extension.


End file.
